All of this recent talk about love and relationships has caused me to reminisce about the many times that I have been in love, been close to love, or been overcome by a heavy case of like. Nonetheless, in many of those cases, the feelings often felt the same. Have you ever sat back and thought about your past relationships? What was the longest relationship that you have ever been in? The shortest? What was different about the two? What was similar?

When answering those questions myself, the results seem rather interesting. Although the time between my two memorable relationships is clearly a distinguishing factor, there is one commonality between the two that offers such a sense of irony that it is borderline embarrassing. While my longest relationship easily spanned over the course of several years, my shortest relationship, unfortunately, did not experience such a lengthy life span as it only lasted for a mere three hours. As the time frames of their existence clearly differ, the one commonality between the both of them was that, in both relationships, I had confidently professed my love to my mate. I remember it like it was yesterday…

Unlike the illusory episodes on many television sitcoms, as a young boy, I never went through a phase in which I did not have an attraction toward the opposite sex. As a matter of fact, my mother would argue that I always had ‘too much’ of an attraction to women. Therefore, as a young sixth grade student passing through the halls of Missouri City Junior High School, the desire to have a girlfriend was not foreign to me. Each morning as I arrived on the bus, I would take notice of the many young girls and their developing bodies with the aims of making one of them mine. My antics easily resembled a lion quietly studying its prey.

As I studied each girl that held my interest, I would practice my ‘game’ to ensure that she would be interested in me when I approached her. Practicing what I then called my ‘Denzel Approach’, which was easily named after the famed actor Denzel Washington, I perfected my game to land my future girlfriend. For those that aren’t aware, ‘game’ is the term used to describe the impressive compliments and images that we create to win the interest of another. And as I set my sights on that special young lady, my game was perfected in preparation for that special day that I would encounter that special lady. After weeks of practicing my infamous ‘Denzel Approach’, it happened. I had set my eyes upon the one that would be my girlfriend.

She was cute, nice, and funny. When our eyes met, the connection that was experienced was like none other. With my head slightly tilted to the right, licking my lips, and giving her a provocative look through my sleepy brown eyes, I began to execute the initial stages of my ‘Denzel Approach’. There was obviously a connection as I could easily tell that she had as much interest in me as I had in her. The connection was magical. It was enchanted. It was divine. Besides, the fact that we shared other similarities helped too.

I must admit, part of what drew me to my mystery woman was the fact that our names were similar. While my name is Chris King, hers was Chanda King. Her initials were CK and my initials were CK. In my adolescent mind, this was a match made in heaven. After briefly speaking and exchanging telephone numbers, we began to get to know one another through weekday after-school chats and even more weekend telephone conversations. Just when I felt that Chanda and I had developed an unbreakable bond, following a common schoolboy approach, I discreetly put a letter in the locker of the young girl that I had recently grown fond of. It read:

Chanda,

Sincerely,
Chris

To my appreciation, Chanda quickly replied with the affirmative. It happened. Chanda and I were now girlfriend and boyfriend. Chris King and Chanda King. Wow, even today, it still sounds cute.

Now, in my preparation to land my ‘dream girl’, I often took lessons from various resources that I had at my immediate disposal—the television and my older brother, Marvin. At that time, Marvin was a sophomore in high school and very much engaged in a relationship with his own girlfriend. In their courtship, they spent countless hours on the telephone, often leading to both of them falling asleep while still holding the phone in their hands. However, the few moments that their conversations did come to a formal close, they often ended with the two of them reciting three key words. Yes, you guessed it. “I love you,” my brother would say in what seemed to be a rehearsed, low, sexy tone, before he hung up the phone.

At this time, I really looked up to my brother. What I wasn’t learning from his direct teachings, I was picking up through observation. And what his actions taught me was that every time you say ‘goodbye’ to your girlfriend, you should also include the words, “I love you.”

With that in mind, hours after Chanda and I had become an official item, I politely carried her books as I walked her to her Mrs. Culp’s Social Studies class. As she began to depart into the classroom, I gave her the books and kindly said what I had learned to say, “I love you,” as I walked away. To my surprise, Chanda avoided me for the remainder of the day, only to have her best friend give me a note indicating her desire to not be my girlfriend anymore.

Unfortunately, I had spooked Chanda half to death. She knew that I didn’t love her. But, unbeknownst to me, I merely said what I thought I was supposed to say. Ironically, while I was in the sixth grade when this episode took place, years later, I have been faced with the realization that there have been certain childlike behaviors that I have neglected to get rid of over the course of my life, and this was one of them. Much like the case with my shortest relationship, I have often professed my love to individuals without a clear understanding of what love looks like, what it is, and what it is not. Like me, many of you often profess your unconditional love to others, only to let it evaporate at the slightest hint of disappointment, discouragement, or difference, which has been generated by a mere misunderstanding of the topic. Unfortunately, this practice has created a depressing epidemic within our social landscape that has not only restricted us from maintaining successful relationships, but has been a major cause to the many sexual immoralities that permeate throughout our society.

Stay tuned. Next time, I will discuss this so-called epidemic. Let me know your thoughts. Thank you.

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