Hello again to all of my friends. Once again, I will sit down and attempt to let you in to another segment of my life’s experiences. I only pray that the experiences of my blogs have been as meaningful and helpful to you as they have been to me. All that being said, let’s proceed…
Currently, it is said that 50% of all first marriages end in divorce. Wow, that’s an amazing statistic. However, what’s even more shocking is that 64% of all second marriages often follow suit. And even more dramatic is the fact that 75% of all third marriages experience the same demise. How can this be? Doesn’t anyone learn from their mistakes? How is it that while we often claim to learn from previous relationships, we, in many cases, end up in relationships that clearly resemble the ones that we professed to never return to? I know that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side, but are there any greener pastures out there?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but, no. You will never find greener pastures. At least, not as long as you stay in the same field. As we often move from relationship to relationship, we inappropriately compare the euphoric feelings of the current relationship with feelings of disappointment experienced during the previous relationship. Let me explain:
Like anything else, all relationships go through a certain lifecycle. This is the case for personal relationships, professional relationships, as well as spiritual relationships:
1) The cycle begins with positive feelings of eupohoria. You’re excited. You can’t wait to tell everyone about the new “love” of your life. The two of you talk constantly, never wanting to leave each other, holding hands, and God forbid, but sometimes, ya’ll even dress alike. Don’t worry. If you are currently in this stage, don’t fret; it’s normal. It is here where the two of you have established the expectations of each other. However, many cases those expectations are often unrealistic.
2) Reality sets in. You realize that he’s not Superman. And he realizes that those eyelashes aren’t really yours. However, while you begin to see things that you don’t like, you continue the relationship because it has provided you with some consistency and convenience. Here, disappointment may begin to set in as you realize that your expectations weren’t met.
3) At this point, the things that you realize that you don’t like begin to annoy the hell out you; even the way he eats. You begin to criticize him and he does the same to you.
4) After many moments of internal and overt criticism, you now are forced with the decision if you want to continue the relationship. You begin to go move through an internal cost-benefit analysis as you negotiate with yourself whether or not the relationship is worth pursuing.
Now, as you both decide to go your separate ways and move on to the next relationship, you begin this process all over again. Therefore, you begin to compare the euphoric feelings of your new relationship to the latter stages of your previous relationship. Now, you expect greener pastures and you never addressed the true thing that got you there to begin with.
Although, this may sound contradictory, I must say it. Yes, it is possible for you to experience greener pastures. But, if and only if, you begin to understand how to navigate your way through these relationship stages. Let’s begin by setting realistic expectations for your mate.
To my ladies, I must admit. I am not Superman. Hell, many times, I’m not even Clark Kent. But if you are willing to be patient with me, I will be the best CLK that I can possibly be. Fellas, we gotta understand that she isn’t perfect. However, we need to allow her the opportunity and the room for her to be the best that she can be. And as we grow, we can become the best that we both can be together.
I hope this wasn’t too long. Let me know your thoughts. Thank you.
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