Well, here I am again. Did ya’ll miss me? The weekend was very kind to me. Not only did I get some much needed rest, but I got several more blog topics. At this rate, I don’t think that I will ever run out of things to talk about. As a matter of fact, I’m thinking about posting two blogs today. Nevertheless, here goes…
For those of you that read my blog posts last week, know that I was having a serious craving for Old School. And while, over the last few days, I have bounced from Old School R&B to the Hip Hop Classics, I still yearn to quench my thirst for the real melodic sounds of yester-year. However, for me, it’s nearly impossible for me to take such a trip down musical memory lane without reviewing various events of my life that took place during the same time period. My favorite songs. My favorite experiences. My most memorable places and lessons all take their turn circulating through my reminiscent mind. And as I recall the lessons that have shaped me into the man that I am today, there is one in particular that I had with my father that clearly comes to mind. By far, this is one of the biggest lessons that I learned from a man that, at the time, I truly had no real relationship.
On the day of my college graduation, I was ecstatic. I had achieved so much. I had fought through years of adversity, the devastating effects of many of my self-inhibiting decisions, and the socio-economic limitations of a poor, black kid trying to receive a college education. I was so proud of myself. The years of hard work had finally paid off. I was now the 3rd black computer science major to ever graduate from Drake University. The first was my older brother. I deserved recognition. I deserved kudos. Hell, I deserved to have my name in lights. If not that, I at least deserved a gift; perhaps, a new car. Besides, all of my white counterparts were sure to receive such gifts for their less than historic accomplishments. I wanted a car. I deserved a car. And I knew exactly who to ask–my father.
At that point, I had a very strange relationship with my father. Better yet, I had no relationship with my father. To tell you the truth, I was surprised that he even showed up for my graduation. And to make up for the years of not really being there, the least he could do was get me a car; you know, as a makeup gift. Within hours of walking proudly across the stage that late evening in May, I went to my dad and asked for a car as a graduation gift. Now, the likelihood of a positive response was very slim, as he had never before obliged with such a request. But the laughter that he initially gave was crushing. However, I was determined to plead my case:
Me: Dad. I need a car. I am moving to Atlanta for my job. It would be a graduation gift for my hard work. It’s my first real asset that I will be able to purchase.
Dad:NO. IT’S NOT! DON’T EVER SAY THAT AGAIN. I DON’T WANNA HEAR YOU TALK LIKE THAT.
In my hopeless attempt to plead my case, that resulted in an emphatic NO, I had struck a nerve with my father that I will never forget. He then proceeded in letting me know that he would not invest in a car for me because it was not an asset. According to him, which I now agree, the car would depreciate in value as soon as I drove it off the lot. And then he proceeded to give me two important lessons: 1) Never expect kudos for something I was meant to do, such as graduate. That forces you to set the bar lower than you’re supposed to. 2) Never invest the majority of your resources in things that negate your net worth.
It was this second lesson that I began to apply to my life in all aspects. Not only was my father referring to cars. But this also applies to the people in my life. NEVER INVEST THE MAJORITY OF YOUR RESOURCES IN THINGS (OR PEOPLE) THAT NEGATE YOUR NET WORTH. Like a car, they, too, are liabilities.
In my life, I have had to remove people from my inner circle of relationships that did not add to me as a person, or were not able to assist me in moving toward my purpose. In other words, I went on a personal quest to remove all liabilities from my close circle of influence. This meant, all friends, relatives, and associates that no longer contributed to my personal development were suddenly moved to the outer realms of my life. If you are to achieve true success, you must remove your liabilities from your life. What liabilities do you currently have in your life? Identify them. And get rid of them. Honestly, many of you may be your biggest liability, but I will cover that in a later blog.
I hope this helps. Let me hear your thoughts. Thank you.
CLK.com